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My Ex Won’t Answer Messages
Family Law
My Ex Won’t Answer Messages
13 min read
My Ex Won’t Answer Messages About Our Children
Introduction
You send a message asking what time your child needs to be picked up. There is no response.
You follow up about a medical appointment. Still nothing.
A few days later, you need an answer about a school issue, holiday schedule or activity, and once again your messages are ignored.
Communication between separated parents does not have to be constant, and former spouses do not have to respond immediately to every text or email. But when parents share responsibility for raising children, some level of communication may be necessary to make parenting arrangements work.
Repeatedly refusing to respond to important child-related communications can create practical problems and, in some circumstances, become relevant to a parenting dispute.
The Divorce Act specifically identifies the ability and willingness of parents to communicate and cooperate on matters affecting their child as one of the factors a court considers when determining the child's best interests.
The important question is therefore not simply, “Why won't my ex answer me?”
It is also, what information or decision is actually needed, and what is the most reasonable way to deal with the lack of response?
Does My Ex Have to Respond to Every Message?
Not necessarily.
Separation does not create a legal requirement that former spouses remain available to each other at all times.
A message about a routine matter may not require an immediate response. Some questions can wait. Other messages may concern issues that one parent is entitled to deal with independently during their own parenting time.
The situation can be very different when communication concerns matters such as:
a child's health or medical treatment;
education;
an important school issue;
parenting exchanges;
holiday or vacation arrangements;
travel;
extracurricular activities;
changes affecting the parenting schedule;
an emergency involving the child; or
an issue requiring a decision from both parents under an existing parenting order.
The first step is therefore to determine whether a response is actually necessary.
Check Your Parenting Order
If you have a parenting order, review it carefully.
The order may address decision-making responsibilities, parenting time, exchanges, notice requirements, travel or communication between the parents.
Some orders are very detailed. Others provide only a basic parenting schedule.
The wording matters because it determines what each parent is responsible for and whether the other parent's participation is actually required.
For example, if the order gives one parent exclusive decision-making responsibility for a particular issue, that parent may not require the other parent's agreement before making the decision, although other obligations may still apply.
Where decision-making responsibility is shared, communication may be much more important.
Your lawyer can review the order with you and determine whether the unanswered messages relate to something the other parent is actually required to address.
What Information Am I Entitled to About My Child?
Communication between parents is not limited to asking the other parent for permission.
Information about the child can also be important.
Under section 16.4 of the Divorce Act, unless a court orders otherwise, a person with parenting time or decision-making responsibility is entitled to request information about the child's well-being, including information concerning health and education, from another person with parenting time or decision-making responsibility or another person likely to have the information, subject to applicable laws.
This can be particularly important where one parent repeatedly refuses to provide basic information about the child.
Depending on the circumstances, it may also be possible to obtain information directly from a school, medical provider or another appropriate source rather than relying entirely on the other parent.
What If We Share Decision-Making Responsibility?
Shared decision-making can become extremely difficult when one parent simply refuses to communicate.
For example, imagine that separated parents share responsibility for major educational decisions.
The school recommends an assessment for their child and asks the parents to respond.
One parent sends the recommendation to the other parent and asks to discuss it. There is no response. A follow-up email is sent several days later. Again, there is no response.
The problem is no longer simply that one parent dislikes texting.
The lack of communication may be preventing an important decision concerning the child from being made.
Under the Divorce Act, the Court considers each parent's ability and willingness to communicate and cooperate with the other parent on matters affecting the child when determining the child's best interests.
That does not mean that one unanswered email will determine a parenting case. Courts consider the child's circumstances as a whole.
A persistent pattern that prevents necessary decisions from being made, however, may become significant.
Keep Your Messages Focused on the Children
When the other parent is not responding, sending more and more messages can be tempting.
That can make the situation worse.
Try to keep communications brief, factual and focused on the child.
Instead of:
“You never answer me. I have asked you five times already and you obviously don't care about dealing with anything.”
A more useful message might be:
“I am following up on my email of September 15 regarding Maya's orthodontic appointment. The orthodontist has asked us to confirm by September 25. Please let me know your position by September 23 so that we have time to respond.”
The second message identifies:
the issue;
the previous communication;
why an answer is required; and
a reasonable deadline.
It also creates a much clearer record if the communication later becomes relevant in a family law proceeding.
Should I Set a Deadline for a Response?
For issues that genuinely require an answer, a reasonable deadline can be helpful.
The appropriate amount of time depends on the issue.
A routine extracurricular activity may not require an answer within several hours. An urgent medical issue may require immediate attention.
Avoid creating artificial emergencies by demanding that every message be answered within an unreasonably short period.
Where there is a genuine deadline, explain it.
For example:
“The school requires the permission form by Friday. Please let me know by Thursday at 5:00 p.m. whether you agree.”
This is clearer than repeatedly asking, “Did you get my message?”
Should I Document Unanswered Messages?
If the lack of communication is becoming a continuing problem, keep a reasonable record.
Save important emails and text messages and note when a response was required but not received.
You do not need to document every insignificant interaction.
Focus on communications that demonstrate a practical parenting issue.
For example, records showing repeated unanswered requests concerning medical appointments, school decisions or parenting exchanges may be more useful than dozens of screenshots showing casual messages that received no reply.
The objective is to demonstrate what actually happened, not simply to create the largest possible collection of messages.
What If My Ex Only Communicates Through the Children?
Children generally should not be placed in the middle of adult parenting disputes.
Using a child to carry messages about schedules, money, disagreements or major parenting decisions can create unnecessary pressure on the child.
Where direct communication between parents is difficult, there may be other options.
Depending on the circumstances, parents may communicate through email, a parenting communication application, lawyers or another structured method.
The appropriate arrangement should reflect the family's circumstances, including whether there is significant conflict or a history of family violence.
The Divorce Act expressly requires courts considering parenting arrangements to take family violence into account, including whether requiring the parents to cooperate would be appropriate.
Communication between separated parents therefore does not always have to mean frequent direct contact.
Sometimes a more structured and limited method of communication is appropriate.
What If Communication Is Unsafe?
Ordinary communication difficulties should be distinguished from situations involving harassment, coercive control, threats or family violence.
If direct communication creates a safety concern, the solution may not be to encourage more communication.
The Divorce Act requires the Court to give primary consideration to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being when determining the child's best interests. Family violence is also specifically included in the statutory best-interests factors.
Depending on the circumstances, communication may need to occur through lawyers, a parenting application, another structured process or subject to specific boundaries contained in a court order.
Safety should not be sacrificed simply for the appearance of cooperative co-parenting.
What Should I Do If My Ex Continues to Ignore Important Messages?
If the lack of communication continues, the appropriate next step depends on the seriousness of the problem.
Start by considering whether the issue actually requires the other parent's involvement.
If it does, make a clear written request that identifies the issue, explains why a response is needed and provides a reasonable deadline where appropriate.
If there is still no response, avoid sending a stream of increasingly frustrated messages. Instead, preserve the communications and consider whether legal assistance is required.
A family lawyer can review the parenting order and the history of communication to determine whether the other parent's failure to respond is interfering with parenting arrangements, decision-making responsibilities or the child's best interests.
Can a Parenting App Help?
For some separated parents, a structured parenting communication application can be useful.
Instead of communicating through multiple text messages, emails and social media platforms, parents can use one location for parenting-related communication.
Depending on the application, features may include:
written messaging;
shared calendars;
parenting schedules;
expense tracking;
document sharing; and
records of communications.
A parenting application will not necessarily solve a refusal to communicate, but it can create a clearer and more organized method of exchanging information.
It may also reduce arguments about whether a particular message was sent or received.
For higher-conflict families, limiting communication to a structured platform can sometimes help keep discussions focused on the children.
Can a Lawyer Send a Letter?
Yes.
Sometimes a letter from a family lawyer can resolve the issue without a court application.
The letter might identify the specific communication problem, refer to the existing parenting order and request that future communications concerning the children be answered within a reasonable period.
Where there is a particular unresolved issue, the letter can also clearly identify what decision or information is required.
The purpose does not have to be confrontational.
A well-drafted letter can establish expectations and give the parents an opportunity to correct the problem before further legal steps are considered.
It also creates a clear record that the communication problem was raised and that an attempt was made to resolve it.
Can the Court Make Rules About Communication?
Depending on the circumstances, a parenting order can contain detailed provisions designed to reduce future conflict.
Under the Divorce Act, a parenting order may include terms, conditions and restrictions that the Court considers appropriate. The Court can also allocate decision-making responsibility between the parents.
In an appropriate case, a parenting arrangement may address matters such as:
how parents communicate;
what information must be exchanged;
notice of appointments or activities;
how changes to the parenting schedule are requested;
how quickly time-sensitive issues should be addressed;
use of a parenting communication application; or
how particular categories of decisions will be made.
The appropriate provisions depend on the needs of the family.
The objective should be to create a workable system rather than requiring unnecessary communication between parents who are already experiencing significant conflict.
Can Decision-Making Responsibility Be Changed?
Sometimes persistent communication problems raise a larger issue about whether the existing decision-making arrangement remains workable.
For example, if parents share responsibility for major medical or educational decisions but one parent repeatedly refuses to participate, necessary decisions may be delayed.
That does not automatically mean the other parent will receive sole decision-making responsibility.
Where an existing parenting order is being varied under the Divorce Act, the Court must first be satisfied that there has been a change in the child's circumstances since the existing order was made, as required by the legislation. If that threshold is met, the child's best interests remain central to the determination.
The history of the parents' ability and willingness to communicate and cooperate may be relevant to that assessment.
The Court may also consider whether a narrower solution can address the problem rather than fundamentally changing the parenting arrangement.
What If My Ex Does Not Respond to an Emergency?
Emergencies are different from routine parenting decisions.
If a child requires immediate medical attention, a parent should focus first on the child's safety rather than waiting indefinitely for a text message to be returned.
What a parent can decide independently will depend on the circumstances and any existing parenting order.
If there is uncertainty about how emergency decisions are supposed to be handled, the parenting arrangement may need clearer provisions for future situations.
For an immediate threat to a child's safety, appropriate emergency services should be contacted rather than relying on ordinary parenting communications.
When Does a Communication Problem Become a Legal Problem?
Not every unanswered message requires legal intervention.
The issue becomes more significant when the lack of communication begins affecting the child or prevents the parenting arrangement from functioning.
Examples might include repeated failure to respond about necessary medical treatment, refusing to participate in important educational decisions, ignoring exchange arrangements or failing to provide information required under an existing order.
The pattern matters.
One unanswered text message is very different from months of documented non-response concerning significant parenting issues.
A lawyer can help distinguish ordinary communication difficulties from conduct that may justify seeking a change to the parenting arrangement or other court intervention.
How Can I Make My Own Communication Better?
If a dispute eventually reaches court, the communications of both parents may be examined.
For that reason, focus not only on whether the other parent is responding but also on the quality of your own messages.
Try to:
keep messages focused on the children;
address one or a small number of issues at a time;
provide necessary information;
identify genuine deadlines;
allow reasonable time for a response;
avoid insults and accusations;
avoid repeatedly sending the same message; and
keep communications factual.
Imagine that every important message may eventually be read by a Justice.
Would the message demonstrate a reasonable attempt to address an issue affecting your child?
That can be a useful question to ask before pressing send.
What If We Still Cannot Resolve the Problem?
Where communication problems cannot be resolved privately, legal advice may help determine the appropriate next step.
Since January 2, 2026, family and divorce proceedings in the Court of King's Bench of Alberta have operated under the Court's Family Focused Protocol. The process emphasizes early resolution and case management, with Regular Family, Desk and Urgent processes available depending on the nature and circumstances of the matter.
The appropriate route back to court will depend on the existing proceeding, previous court directions and the relief being requested.
Court proceedings should generally focus on the practical problem that needs to be solved.
Rather than simply asking the Court to order the other parent to “communicate better,” it may be more useful to seek clear provisions addressing how information will be exchanged, how decisions will be made or what happens when the parents cannot agree.
How Bridgestone Law Can Help
Communication problems between separated parents can range from frustrating to serious.
At Bridgestone Law, we can review your parenting order and the history of communication to determine whether the problem can be addressed through clearer communication, negotiation or more structured parenting arrangements.
Where appropriate, we can communicate with the other parent or their lawyer, propose practical communication protocols, address problems involving shared decision-making and help negotiate changes to an existing parenting arrangement.
If court intervention becomes necessary, we can help organize the relevant evidence and determine what relief may be appropriate under Alberta's current family court process.
The goal is not to require former spouses to communicate more than necessary. It is to ensure that important information is exchanged, necessary decisions can be made and the parenting arrangement works in a way that protects the child's best interests.
Bridgestone Law is a Calgary-based family law firm assisting clients with parenting disputes, decision-making responsibility, parenting orders, divorce, child and spousal support, family property and family law litigation throughout Alberta.
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