1. Why Is My Child Refusing to Visit the Other Parent?

2. Can My Child Decide They Do Not Want to Go?

3. Do I Still Have to Follow the Parenting Order?

4. What Should I Do When My Child Refuses to Go?

5. Should I Force My Child to Go?

6. What If My Child Says They Are Afraid of the Other Parent?

7. What If There Is No Safety Concern?

8. What If My Teenager Refuses to Go?

9. Can the Other Parent Accuse Me of Withholding the Child?

10. What Should I Document?

11. What If I Think the Other Parent Is Influencing the Child?

12. Can We Change the Parenting Schedule?

13. When Should I Consider Going Back to Court?

14. What Should I Do Right Now?

15. How Bridgestone Law Can Help

Introduction

When your child says they do not want to visit their other parent, it can put you in a difficult position. You may want to respect your child's feelings, but you may also have a parenting order that requires the child to spend time with the other parent.

In Alberta, there is no specific age at which a child automatically gets to decide whether they will see the other parent. A child's views and preferences can be important, particularly as the child becomes older and more mature, but they are only one part of the legal test. The overriding consideration is the child's best interests.

If there is an existing parenting order, a child's refusal does not automatically change that order. Parents generally need to continue taking reasonable steps to follow the parenting arrangement unless the order is changed or there is a genuine situation requiring immediate protective action.

The reason for the child's refusal is therefore very important. Ordinary reluctance about changing homes is very different from a child reporting violence, abuse, neglect or another serious safety concern.

Why Is My Child Refusing to Visit the Other Parent?

The first step is to try to understand what is causing the refusal.

Children may resist parenting time for many reasons, including:

• difficulty transitioning between two homes;

• different household rules or routines;

• separation anxiety;

• missing friends or activities;

• conflict with a parent, step-parent or sibling;

• feeling caught between their parents;

• changes in the other parent's household;

• a strained relationship with the other parent;

• concerns about discipline;

• family violence; or

• another genuine safety concern.

Listen carefully without immediately taking sides.

Try to use neutral questions such as, "Can you tell me why you don't want to go?" rather than questions that suggest a particular answer.

Understanding the reason for the refusal will help determine what should happen next.

Can My Child Decide They Do Not Want to Go?

There is no automatic age in Alberta when a child can simply decide that parenting time with the other parent will stop.

Under the federal Divorce Act, a child's views and preferences are one of the factors considered when determining their best interests. The amount of weight given to those views depends on the child's age and maturity. The court must also consider the child's relationships, stability, history of care, needs, family violence and other relevant circumstances.

Alberta's Family Law Act also considers a child's views and preferences as part of the broader best-interests analysis.

As a practical matter, the views of a mature teenager may receive considerably more attention than the preferences of a very young child.

However, the child does not make the legal decision. The question remains what parenting arrangement is in the child's best interests.

Do I Still Have to Follow the Parenting Order?

If you have a parenting order, you should continue to take it seriously.

A child's statement that they do not want to go does not, by itself, cancel or change the order.

Alberta has procedures for enforcing parenting time when a person is not receiving the parenting time provided by a court order. Alberta's enforcement process can apply to parenting-time orders made by Alberta courts, including orders under the federal Divorce Act.

This does not mean a parent will automatically be penalized whenever a child refuses an exchange.

The circumstances matter.

However, if you simply allow parenting time to stop without taking reasonable steps to address the problem, the other parent may allege that you are withholding the child or failing to comply with the parenting order.

What Should I Do When My Child Refuses to Go?

Your response should depend on the child's age, maturity and reason for refusing.

Start by listening calmly.

Ask open-ended questions and give the child an opportunity to explain what is bothering them.

If the issue appears to be ordinary reluctance, such as not wanting to leave friends or preferring the rules at your home, you may need to reassure the child and encourage them to follow the parenting schedule.

Depending on the circumstances, reasonable steps might include:

• reminding the child of the parenting schedule;

• speaking positively or neutrally about the other parent;

• helping the child pack for the visit;

• ensuring the child is ready on time;

• attending the agreed exchange location;

• avoiding arguments with the other parent in front of the child; and

• discussing practical ways to make transitions easier.

If the child still refuses, document what occurred.

Should I Force My Child to Go?

There is a difference between reasonably encouraging a child to follow a parenting order and physically forcing a distressed child into a vehicle.

Parents should be cautious about allowing parenting exchanges to become physical confrontations.

With younger children, a parent may be expected to take reasonable steps to prepare and encourage the child to transition.

With an older teenager, physically forcing compliance may be unrealistic and inappropriate.

The important question may become what reasonable steps the parent took to facilitate the parenting time.

If the same problem occurs repeatedly, continuing to have the same confrontation at every exchange is unlikely to resolve the underlying issue. The parenting arrangement may need to be reviewed.

What If My Child Says They Are Afraid of the Other Parent?

Take statements about fear and safety seriously.

There is an important difference between a child saying:

"I don't want to go because the rules are stricter there"

and a child saying:

"I am afraid because someone is hurting me."

Do not interrogate the child or repeatedly ask leading questions. Listen carefully and record what was said as accurately as possible.

Under the Divorce Act, the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being are the primary consideration when assessing the statutory best-interests factors. Family violence is also specifically relevant to parenting decisions.

Depending on the circumstances, serious safety concerns may require legal advice, involvement of the appropriate authorities, or an application seeking changes to the parenting arrangement.

A court can also make orders requiring supervision of parenting time or supervision of transfers between parents where appropriate.

If you believe your child is in immediate danger, contact emergency services.

What If There Is No Safety Concern?

Sometimes children simply prefer one home over the other.

A teenager may want to stay close to friends. One household may have fewer rules. A child may dislike packing and moving between homes. Sports, employment, school and extracurricular activities can also make an existing parenting schedule increasingly difficult as children get older.

These concerns can be meaningful without necessarily justifying the end of the child's relationship with the other parent.

Parents should be careful not to encourage a child to reject the other parent merely because transitions are inconvenient or emotionally difficult.

The goal should be to understand the problem and determine whether there is a reasonable way to address it while continuing to support the child's important relationships.

What If My Teenager Refuses to Go?

Teenagers can present particularly difficult parenting issues.

The Divorce Act expressly provides that the child's age and maturity affect the weight given to their views and preferences.

That does not create a particular age at which a teenager automatically controls the parenting schedule.

However, there is a practical difference between encouraging a six-year-old to attend a scheduled visit and attempting to force a mature 16-year-old to spend an entire week in a particular household.

If an older child persistently and strongly objects to the existing arrangement, the reasons should be explored.

Possible solutions may include:

• adjusting the schedule;

• shorter or more flexible parenting periods;

• counselling;

• mediation;

• changes to transportation or exchanges;

• addressing conflict within the household; or

• applying to change the parenting order.

The appropriate solution depends on why the teenager is refusing.

Can the Other Parent Accuse Me of Withholding the Child?

Yes.

If the other parent believes you are preventing court-ordered parenting time, they may seek enforcement.

Alberta courts have several remedies available when parenting time is not being provided as required. Depending on the circumstances, these can include make-up parenting time, reimbursement of expenses, security, financial penalties and other enforcement measures.

This is why it is important to distinguish between a parent preventing parenting time and a parent genuinely attempting to facilitate an exchange while dealing with a child's persistent refusal.

Keep factual records showing what happened and what steps you took.

What Should I Document?

If refusals are becoming a recurring problem, keep a record of:

• the date and time of each scheduled exchange;

• what the child said about not wanting to attend;

• what you did to encourage the child;

• whether you attended the exchange location;

• communications with the other parent;

• whether alternative arrangements were proposed;

• any safety concerns raised by the child; and

• any involvement by counsellors or other professionals.

Keep the records factual.

For example, recording that "Child stated at 4:30 p.m. that they did not want to go because..." is generally more useful than writing conclusions about what you believe the other parent is doing.

Also be careful about repeatedly questioning the child for the purpose of creating evidence.

What If I Think the Other Parent Is Influencing the Child?

Sometimes one parent believes the child's refusal is being encouraged by the other parent.

There can also be circumstances where a child's resistance has legitimate causes unrelated to the other parent's influence.

Avoid jumping immediately to labels.

Focus on specific conduct and evidence.

For example, repeated messages telling the child that they do not have to follow the parenting schedule may be relevant. So may evidence that one parent regularly speaks negatively about the other parent in front of the child.

On the other hand, a child's concerns should not automatically be dismissed simply because they arise during a difficult parenting dispute.

The child's actual experiences and best interests remain central.

Can We Change the Parenting Schedule?

Yes.

If both parents agree that the existing schedule is no longer working, they may be able to develop a new arrangement.

Changes could involve:

• different exchange times;

• shorter or longer parenting periods;

• fewer transitions;

• different weekday or weekend arrangements;

• transportation changes;

• adjustments around school and extracurricular activities; or

• greater flexibility for an older child.

If there is already a court order, consider obtaining legal advice about formally changing it rather than relying indefinitely on an informal arrangement.

Alberta provides processes for changing existing parenting orders and for obtaining Consent Orders where parents agree.

When Should I Consider Going Back to Court?

Court involvement may become necessary where:

• the child repeatedly refuses parenting time;

• parenting time has effectively stopped;

• the parents cannot agree on a solution;

• there are serious safety concerns;

• one parent alleges that the other is interfering with the parent-child relationship;

• the existing schedule is no longer practical;

• an older child's circumstances have significantly changed; or

• one parent has started or threatened enforcement proceedings.

The correct procedure depends on the existing order.

If parenting arrangements were made under Alberta's Family Law Act, an application may be made under that legislation. If the parenting order was made under the federal Divorce Act, the appropriate variation procedure is under the Divorce Act. Alberta specifically notes that the Family Law Act cannot be used to change an issue already governed by a Divorce Act order.

What Should I Do Right Now?

If your child is refusing to visit their other parent:

1. Listen to your child. Find out why they do not want to go without suggesting the answer.

2. Consider whether there is a genuine safety concern. Take allegations of violence, abuse or other danger seriously.

3. Review your parenting order. Confirm exactly what the current order requires.

4. Take reasonable steps to facilitate parenting time. Unless there is a genuine safety issue, encourage the child to follow the existing arrangement.

5. Do not involve the child in adult conflict. Avoid criticizing the other parent or asking the child to choose sides.

6. Document recurring refusals. Keep a factual record of what happened and what steps you took.

7. Communicate with the other parent. Where appropriate, try to identify the reason for the problem and possible solutions.

8. Obtain legal advice if the refusal continues. The existing parenting arrangement may need to be reviewed or changed.

How Bridgestone Law Can Help

When a child refuses to spend time with their other parent, there is rarely a simple solution. Parents must consider the child's views and emotional well-being while also taking existing parenting orders seriously.

Bridgestone Law assists parents in Calgary and throughout Alberta with parenting disputes, parenting-order enforcement and applications to change parenting arrangements.

We can review your existing parenting order, help determine how the child's age, maturity and reasons for refusing may affect the situation, advise you about your obligations under the current order, and communicate with the other parent or their lawyer.

Where necessary, we can also assist with applications to enforce or change parenting arrangements and seek other appropriate court orders.

If your child is repeatedly refusing parenting time, obtaining legal advice early can help you address the underlying issue and determine an appropriate way forward.