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My Ex Changed the Parenting Schedule Without Asking
Family Law
My Ex Changed the Parenting Schedule Without Asking
10 min read
My Ex Changed the Parenting Schedule Without Asking
Can My Ex Change the Parenting Schedule Without My Agreement?
Parenting Decisions Are Different From Changing the Schedule
Introduction
Parenting schedules provide children and parents with predictability after separation. They establish when children will be with each parent and may address exchanges, holidays, school breaks and vacations.
But what happens when one parent simply changes the schedule?
Perhaps your former partner says the children will no longer come to your home on Wednesdays. Maybe they repeatedly shorten your weekends, change exchange times or make plans during your parenting time without consulting you.
An occasional scheduling adjustment is very different from one parent attempting to unilaterally change an established parenting arrangement.
In Alberta, your options depend on whether you have a court order, written parenting agreement or informal arrangement, as well as the circumstances surrounding the change.
Where the federal Divorce Act applies, parenting arrangements are determined according to the best interests of the child, with primary consideration given to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being.
Parents can and often should cooperate on reasonable scheduling adjustments. The concern arises when changes become unilateral, repeated, significant or contrary to an existing order or agreement.
Can My Ex Change the Parenting Schedule Without My Agreement?
If You Have a Court Order
If a court order establishes a parenting schedule, the starting point is the schedule contained in that order.
A parent cannot ordinarily rewrite a court order simply by announcing a different schedule.
If circumstances have changed and the existing arrangement is no longer appropriate, either parent may be able to seek a variation. Until the order is changed, however, parents should be cautious about treating their preferred arrangement as though it has already replaced the existing order.
Emergencies can be different. A child's illness, severe weather or a genuine safety concern may require an immediate adjustment. That is different from repeatedly disregarding the parenting schedule because one parent would prefer another arrangement.
If You Have a Parenting Agreement
Many separated parents establish parenting arrangements through a written separation or parenting agreement.
Parents can agree to reasonable changes. Some agreements deliberately provide flexibility for work schedules, activities and special occasions.
The important word is agree.
Flexibility does not necessarily give either parent unrestricted authority to redesign the schedule. If one parent repeatedly refuses to follow an agreement, legal advice may be appropriate.
If Your Arrangement Is Informal
The situation can be more complicated when there is no court order or written agreement.
Suppose parents have followed the same alternating weekend and Wednesday overnight schedule for more than a year. One parent suddenly announces that Wednesday overnights are ending.
The absence of a court order does not necessarily mean the history of the parenting arrangement is irrelevant.
If an informal arrangement is no longer working, it may be time to consider formalizing the parenting schedule.
What If My Ex Says the Children Do Not Want to Go?
This can be particularly difficult.
A parent may simply say:
"The kids don't want to come this weekend."
A child's views can be relevant. Under the Divorce Act, a child's views and preferences are one factor considered in determining their best interests, with appropriate weight given to their age and maturity.
However, a child's preference does not automatically determine the parenting schedule.
There is a significant difference between a young child wanting to stay home to play with friends and an older teenager expressing persistent concerns about an arrangement.
There can also be a difference between a parent genuinely struggling with a reluctant child and a parent using the child's alleged wishes to justify repeatedly interfering with the other parent's parenting time.
If the problem continues, the reasons behind the child's resistance may need to be examined.
Parenting Decisions Are Different From Changing the Schedule
Parents sometimes confuse making ordinary parenting decisions with having authority to change the overall parenting schedule.
Under the Divorce Act, unless a court orders otherwise, a person exercising parenting time generally has exclusive authority to make day-to-day decisions affecting the child during that parenting time.
Those decisions might involve meals, bedtime and ordinary activities.
That does not necessarily allow a parent to decide:
"Starting next month, the children will stay with me every Thursday instead of going to your house."
Changing the structure of the parenting schedule is different from making routine decisions while a child is in your care.
When Does a Scheduling Problem Become Serious?
Not every late exchange or scheduling disagreement requires legal intervention.
What often matters is the pattern.
Imagine an order providing for alternating weekends. One weekend, a parent asks to change the exchange because of an important family event and the other parent agrees.
That is ordinary flexibility.
Now imagine that, over several months, one parent repeatedly schedules activities during the other's weekends, cancels exchanges and shortens parenting time.
Eventually, the parenting schedule exists on paper but is rarely followed.
At that point, the issue may require more formal attention.
What Should You Do When the Schedule Is Changed?
Review Your Order or Agreement
Start by reading the actual document.
Check:
parenting dates and times;
exchange arrangements;
holiday provisions;
notice requirements;
extracurricular activity provisions; and
any terms allowing changes by agreement.
Do not rely solely on memory. The exact wording can be important.
Confirm Changes in Writing
If the other parent announces a change verbally, consider responding in writing.
Keep your communication factual and child-focused.
You might confirm the change they have proposed, state whether you agree, and confirm that you remain available to follow the existing schedule.
This creates a record without unnecessarily escalating the conflict.
Keep a Parenting Calendar
If problems continue, document what was supposed to happen and what actually occurred.
For example:
June 5: Children scheduled for pickup at 5:00 p.m. At 3:30 p.m., other parent advised they would not be available.
June 12: Wednesday overnight cancelled because of an activity scheduled by the other parent.
Keep relevant emails and text messages as well.
A contemporaneous record can be much more reliable than attempting to reconstruct months of events later.
Avoid Retaliating
If the other parent interferes with your parenting time, avoid automatically retaliating by withholding theirs.
"You kept the children last weekend, so I'm keeping them this weekend" can quickly create an escalating conflict.
Where a court order exists, deliberately disregarding it yourself can also complicate the situation.
Instead, consider obtaining advice about the appropriate remedy.
Can I Ask for Make-Up Parenting Time?
Depending on the circumstances, yes.
Parents can sometimes resolve missed parenting time themselves by agreeing on replacement time.
Alberta's Family Law Act also contains enforcement provisions dealing with parenting time under an order. Where the statutory requirements are met, potential remedies can include make-up parenting time, dispute resolution, reimbursement of certain expenses and other orders available to the Court.
The appropriate remedy depends on why the parenting time was missed and the circumstances of the family.
What About Activities Scheduled During My Parenting Time?
Extracurricular activities can become a major source of disagreement.
There is a difference between supporting a child's established activities and one parent repeatedly creating commitments that interfere with the other parent's parenting time.
For example, taking a child to their regular Saturday hockey game during your weekend may be quite different from the other parent enrolling the child in several new activities during your parenting time without discussing them with you.
The parenting order or agreement and the parties' respective decision-making responsibilities should be reviewed carefully.
What If a Parent's Work Schedule Changes?
Employment changes can make existing parenting arrangements difficult.
Parents may be able to accommodate temporary changes cooperatively. A permanent change is different.
If a parent's new employment makes the existing schedule impractical, the parents may need to consider a different arrangement.
If they cannot agree and there is an existing court order, a formal variation may be required.
Under the Divorce Act, before varying a parenting order, the Court must be satisfied that there has been a change in the circumstances of the child since the existing order or its last variation. Any new parenting arrangement must then be determined according to the child's best interests.
Can the Court Enforce a Parenting Order?
Yes. The available procedure and remedies depend on the legislation and circumstances involved.
Alberta's Family Law Act, for example, contains specific remedies relating to the denial of parenting time under an order.
Court intervention is not simply about punishing a parent. Parenting proceedings remain focused on the child's best interests.
The Court may consider why the schedule was not followed, the history of the parenting arrangement, the circumstances of the child and parents, and what arrangement will best support the child going forward.
What If the Existing Schedule No Longer Works?
Sometimes repeated disputes are a sign that the schedule itself needs to change.
Children grow older. School schedules change. Parents move or change jobs. Activities become more demanding.
A schedule that worked when a child was five may not work when that child is fifteen.
If both parents agree, they may be able to formalize a new arrangement. If they cannot agree, one parent may need to seek a variation of the existing order.
There is an important distinction between asking for an existing parenting arrangement to be changed and simply deciding that you will no longer follow it.
What If There Is an Immediate Safety Concern?
Parenting disputes involving genuine safety concerns require a different approach.
Concerns involving family violence, threats, substance abuse, neglect or a serious risk that a child may be removed from the jurisdiction should not necessarily be treated as ordinary scheduling disagreements.
Both the federal Divorce Act and Alberta legislation require courts to consider children's safety and well-being when determining parenting arrangements.
Depending on the circumstances, urgent legal advice may be necessary.
If there is an immediate danger to a child or another person, appropriate emergency services should be contacted.
When Should You Speak With a Family Lawyer?
Consider obtaining legal advice when:
parenting time is repeatedly denied;
the other parent announces a permanent new schedule without agreement;
a court order is regularly ignored;
reasonable make-up time is refused;
activities repeatedly interfere with your parenting time;
the children are being placed in the middle of the dispute;
the current arrangement needs to be formally changed; or
there are serious safety concerns.
Speaking with a lawyer does not necessarily mean immediately going to court.
A lawyer can review your order or agreement, assess the history of the parenting arrangement and determine whether negotiation, correspondence, mediation or another dispute-resolution process may resolve the problem.
When those approaches are unsuccessful or inappropriate, a court application may be necessary.
A Practical Example
After separating, Maya and Daniel obtained a parenting order providing that their two children would spend alternating weekends with Daniel from Friday after school until Monday morning.
For the first year, the schedule worked well.
Then Maya began arranging activities during Daniel's weekends. At first, Daniel agreed to several changes because he wanted to be cooperative.
Over time, however, the exceptions became routine. Some weekends were shortened. Others were cancelled entirely. When Daniel objected, Maya told him that the children were busy and the original schedule was no longer practical.
Daniel began keeping a calendar showing the scheduled and actual parenting time and saved their written communications. He also clearly communicated that he was willing to accommodate reasonable exceptions but did not agree to permanently changing the schedule.
The issue was no longer one isolated scheduling disagreement. The parents needed to determine whether the existing order should be followed, whether a new arrangement could be negotiated, or whether court intervention was required.
The example illustrates why flexibility and documentation can both be important.
Cooperating with an occasional change does not necessarily mean agreeing to permanently give up parenting time.
How Bridgestone Law Can Help
Parenting schedule disputes can become stressful quickly, particularly when what began as occasional changes develops into a pattern of missed parenting time.
At Bridgestone Law, our Calgary family lawyers can review your parenting order or agreement, help you understand your rights and obligations, and assess the options available when an established parenting schedule is no longer being followed.
Depending on the circumstances, this may include:
communicating with the other parent or their lawyer;
negotiating a workable parenting arrangement;
addressing missed or denied parenting time;
helping formalize an informal parenting schedule;
pursuing or responding to an application to vary parenting arrangements; or
seeking court intervention where necessary.
The appropriate solution will depend on your existing parenting arrangements, the history between the parents and, most importantly, the needs and best interests of the children.
If your former partner has changed the parenting schedule without your agreement, obtaining advice early can help you understand your options and determine the most appropriate way forward.
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